My Diet Cliche

I was trying really hard last week, and it was almost working. On Friday I ordered some Jason's Deli, and when I went to pick it up my trainer Ray Ray just happened to be there. Good thing it wasn't McDonald's or something! He was looking very pleased with me, and said that I was making a good choice...for that minute, but he was going to keep an eye on me. I then went to dinner, and once again did pretty well, but it all went down hill from there for the rest of the weekend. I'm just not feeling very "satiated these days by anything, and I seem to be using food to get some kind of satisfaction. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I think in some ways my personality is just too "addictive", and especially after having a small little addiction to Vicodin when I was sick last year...it's like if I eat enough I do actually get some kind of carb high or something, and it makes me feel better...

But...you have to get back up and try again, so this week it's on. This morning has started out great, and I will make it to the gym for cardio today for sure!

So, after my pretty good start today I ended up skipping one of meal, but no big deal. I then ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a good girl for lunch, and had a meal replacement shake for my mid afternoon snack. I was extremely proud of myself at the gym today. I worked really hard, and didn't complain once...except about not being able to breathe. But instead of saying I wanted to quit...I just took my time...breathed in through my nose and out of my mouth, and then continued on.

The problem came after I was done at the gym and supposed to meet my friend Josh at Souper Salad. I did much better than I usually do...I had two plates of salad instead of one plate of salad and three plates of yummy blueberry bread with butter. But...I broke down and had a small bowl of ice cream. Whatever...I'll live, and I am just a "beginner" at this stuff again, so I'm gonna have to cut myself some slack.

I can't tell you how much better I feel though! I walked out of the gym, and just kept saying, "REMEMBER THIS FEELING! REMEMBER THIS FEELING!" Because it really made me not feel fatigued and exhausted like I have been lately. My body has been so run down, and has been betraying me left and right for the last 8 months or so, but I haven't exactly been very nice to my body either, so it's time I gave it a little more TLC.

I signed back up with my old trainer, Ray Ray the Savior, a couple of months ago. Once again, so far so not so good. It has taken me a while to get back in the swing of things after my serious slackoffedness last year, and after I was really sick. My muscles had actually atrophied a little bit, and it's been difficult to get back to my usual range of working out. My eating habits still leave much to be desired. I must learn to eat better!!! I must, I must, I must!!! Food is afterall 70% of losing weight. I'm trying hard today though. One day at a time...that's all I can do. So, I'm starting at 185lbs. I don't know what my fat percentage is right now, but I'm sure it's pretty high.

So far this morning I've had half a bagel with about a tablespoon of cream cheese, a cup of coffee with about a 1/4 cup of skim milk. I'm gonna try really hard to keep it going.

I have an appointment with Ray Ray today at 5. I'm going to try really hard to ignore my dying smoker's lungs, and make it through without complaining...too much...wish me luck in this new/old endeavor.